you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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