her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
