Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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