pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
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