It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
