they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
