The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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