saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
we made out on top of his cat.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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