Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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