why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
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