Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Randomize
