eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
