it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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