i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
