I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
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