I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
