i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
