Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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