I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
