God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
