i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
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