You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
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