It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
