I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
