??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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