I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
