So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
