Four minutes until I can fart!
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Randomize
