dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
