Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
