If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
