words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
i think i just lost a toe
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
