i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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