I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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