coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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