now i know why i became what i already was.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Randomize
