Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
