My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
