i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
