Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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