omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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