Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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