im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
