i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
