you have to choose: penises or morals?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
