last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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