i think i have herpe
just one?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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