Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
