I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
