It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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