Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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