How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
He told me they were just razor bumps!
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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