I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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