And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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