what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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