There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
