i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
