Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
