I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize