i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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