I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
I did not marry a roomba.
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