bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
