sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
