thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
