we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
