yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Is it because I queefed?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
