she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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