Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
