Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
