Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Randomize
