obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
