I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
