so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
