i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize