Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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