dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
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